The importance of conflict

Understanding the human contradiction

A conflict – both within yourself and with others – can usually be traced back to the need for autonomy (one’s own needs) on the one hand and the need for connection with others (the needs of others) on the other.  If you recognize this paradox during a conflict, there can be room for more understanding and compassion.

It is quite normal that in a situation where people with ​different ideas and backgrounds work together, ​disagreements arise, which can lead to conflict.

When all parties are aware of the shared human needs ​(need for autonomy and connection), the chances of ​finding a mutually beneficial outcome multiply. They are ​more likely to see the situation as a shared problem to be ​solved, or better yet, as a shared opportunity to be ​explored.

A conflict can be an opportunity for growth, to learn about yourself and the other person

Conflict management styles

There are different ways to deal with conflict. Everyone has their own preference, but it is not always suitable. The best way to resolve a conflict depends on the situation.

Two extremes are often assumed when you talk about dealing with conflicts.

One side is just looking at the result, where we often see assertive behavior. On the other hand, there is just trying to find harmony and peace, where we often see concessions and self-effacement.

When we place these 2 extremes in a coordinate system, 5 conflict management styles can be characterized:

  • FORCE: focused on results (self-interest) and not on the importance of the relationship. Little ​consideration is given to the needs of others. It is often a matter of winning or losing.
  • INTEGRATE: focus on one’s own interests and the needs of others. Direct and open communication ​is used to find a solution that is good for all parties.
  • GIVE IN: focus on maintaining the relationship at the expense of one’s own interests. Passive style in ​the belief that the relationship is very vulnerable.
  • AVOID: no focus on the relationship nor on self-interest. Neutral attitude towards the conflict, by ​withdrawing or avoiding the subject.
  • COMPROMISE: the focus is put half on the result and half on the relationship. It is the search for a ​middle solution, in which all parties are kept satisfied by partially fulfilling their interests.

 

Not one of these styles is “THE BEST”. The best style depends on the situation.

Want to know more about conflict management?  Don’t hesitate to contact us!

References – this text is based on following sources:
Thomas and Kilmann’s Conflict management styles
Paul Huguenin – Conflicthantering en onderhandelen , Springer Media